Buying a house is much more difficult than I anticipated.  After all, the market is slumping, it's supposed to be a great time for buyers...then how come I can't seem to get into escrow?!  I've been hunting for 8 months; my agent has sent me pictures of well over 100 homes to consider; I've toured over 20 homes (and 7 more scheduled for this weekend); I've put in 4 bids.  Every house I've bid on has been lagging on the bank's desk or sold to someone else.  This is no fun. 

My apartment lease is up on April 30th.  If I stay on a month-to-month lease, rent will increase by $300/month.  Common sense says...I HAVE TO MOVE!  Best option would be to move directly into my newly purchased home.  Unfortunately, that option is looking pretty slim right now unless some miracle happens and the bank accepts my offers soon.  The other option is to temporarily move into cheaper living accommodations.  I hate moving because packing is no small task...then I'd have to move again when I buy a house (whenever THAT is!).  Ugh!!! 

I have to figure out what to do.  *sigh* 

Somebody, slap me silly because this is too good to be true!  That's a ridiculously cheap price for a house that nice.  I think it's a scam.
http://sacramento.craigslist.org/apa/622288169.html

Move over Craig David, there's a new hottie in town:  his name is Jay Sean.  HE IS HOT!!!  And he can sing.  Did I mention he was HOT?!  And he's got brains -- the boy dropped out of med school to pursue his singing career!  *fans herself*   Jeez, don't I sound like a teenager squealing about her heart throb?  I feel so silly but I don't care. 

His new single: Maybe   http://youtube.com/watch?v=hNYxuZHhmEM

Also, another song that I love: Ride It   http://youtube.com/watch?v=lz0VGkD3LHo&feature=related

If you listen carefully, you'll hear that he uses Asian melodies in the background.  It's freakin' awesome!  His other song, City Girl, features a Chinese melody that you'd hear out of the Wong Fei Hung theme song...with the one-string violins -- the "erhu."   LOL  I almost doubled over laughing when I heard that.  It makes you say "WTF?!  OMG that actually works and it sounds GOOD!!!"

Here, for your listening pleasure:  City Girl  http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZPQ8WQtmlow

is to awaken the soul.
It is to set free the mind, and the spirit
and sail on a journey of hope.
To Dream, is to build castles out of clouds
and realities out of wishes.
It gives meaning to the word believe.
To dream is to hear music in the silence of thought,
and to privately dance to the sound of your own pounding drum.
To dream is to abandon the fear of limitation,
to unlearn skepticism and doubt, and to bodly
embrace each new day, as a miraculous adventure.
To dream is to taste magic...
to know passion, and to be unafraid to
trust in the wisdom of the heart.
To dream is to see beyond the horizon,
and to know that we are capable of
anything our hearts desire.

These words of wisdom inspire me to live a fulfilled life.  I was introduced to this poem many years ago through a birthday card I received from a dear friend, Brandon C. The card cover had a painting of a sleeping maiden and the note wished me a birthday full of dreams.  I absolutely fell in love with the painting of the maiden so when I found a poster version of it, I purchased the item without hesitation.  Now this framed poster hangs on my bedroom wall.  It gives me hope and keeps my faith in all that is and all that can be good in the world. 

There are four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and
Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was
sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but
Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was
Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody
realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody
blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!

His parents called me -- their voices clearly carried worries.  "Please come,"  his father said.  Those were the only words I heard before I rushed out the door and into my car.  It's been so long since I last saw him; I wondered if this will be the last time.  My heart was racing but heavy, a feeling that couldn't be described but only felt.  I was worried.

I drove past the places where we spent time together, those hours and minutes of our past when we were in love.  In love and love are two different things as someone reminded me the other day.  I drove past the moment where our love ended, at the corner of passionate arguments and uncompassionate pain. I even drove up the hill of hope, but the windy road ended at broken heart summit.  It was there that I stopped the car and found him sitting on the bench, dazed and looking at the horizon.  I walked over to him slowly, cautious not to disturb his thoughts, and sat down next to my best friend.  He sensed my presence but remained quiet.  I set my palm on his head, slightly petting it, as if to let him know "I'm here now."  We sat there in silence for awhile, each reminiscing on the split road down memory lane. 

"What is it?" I asked, hoping to break the silence that we held on for so long. 

"I never saw blue like that before." 

That was the last time I saw him.

I got this link from Kathleen's website:

http://www.shanemcdonald.com/laughs/l-dr-phils-test.html

Your total score is 47

Interpretation of Results
Others
see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always
interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but
sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also
see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always
cheer them up and help them out.

These tests are interesting to me...because they hardly ever point out your BAD side.  Besides, I'm hardly ever the center of attention. 

After an intensive conversation with Brody yesterday, I've come to certain realizations.  Maybe I've realized this before but I've never declared it publicly.  So here we go, let's see if I can gather my thoughts:

Love has gotta be great, pure, and simple from the very beginning...or it's not good enough for me.

Sometimes we push for a love that we want so badly that we are blind to its flaws.  It was never meant to be.  Sometimes when I think back on what I've tried to make work, I thought it was my fault that it didn't work.  I would compromise my wants and needs for the other person's.  I try to wait it out, make them happy, while I forget my own self-worth in the process.  I don't settle, no no, but I compromise a great deal.

What frameworks we have experienced for a perfect relationship, we keep it to use in the future.  I was in a loving relationship once where everything fell in place naturally.  It was the most pure, innocent, and unconditional love that one could describe...I'm not invalidating any other types of relationships that started differently than what I experienced, but I do think there's validity in having this pureness in future relationships.

Oprah's worldwide webcast class is the new craze.  The class focuses on a book by Eckhart Tolle titled A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose.  There's so much publicity around this thing so I thought I'd check out her website and see what this class is all about.  I admit I love Oprah but I'm confused with  this class.  Perhaps this confusion stems from the frustration that I can't answer the question "what's my life purpose?" and I'm not "spiritual" enough to figure out the answer through an "a-ha!" self-awareness moment. 

Tolle talks about how he had this "knowing" that he should just leave England and move to California, and that it was necessary for him to move here so he can write this book.  He says, "The moment I wrote that [his previous book], I knew this [A New Earth] is the book that wants to be born. So rather than me wanting to write a book, there was a book that wanted to be written."

I'm a true Virgo, an analyst...my answers to life are derived from
practical means, experiences, the development a series of logic models.  I haven't figured out any part of my life that chose me vs. me choosing the course.  Generally, I would say life is what you make of it, and it is the decisions you make today that shapes the course of your life in the future.  I've always been refining and retuning what I want from life...I work hard, I travel, I get to know people, I learn from my mistakes, I take certain risks, I study the lives of others, I serve others, I seek contentment.   Apparently, this class asks what does life want from me?  My answer:  I don't know!   What's my higher calling then? 

So I ask you, what is your purpose?  Are you able to take the approach to look at what the greater purpose is, what does the greater purpose want from you?  What does life want from you, rather than, what do you want from life? 

Hehehe, I leave you with a bit of sarcasm. 

I'm amused and have a chance to test something out...

After four years since disembarking the Semester at Sea voyage, I finally got in touch with a fellow shipmate who's now working in Antarctica.  We've chatted up a bit and he's given me his number so I can contact him.  Funny thought popped up in my head...does my phone company (AT&T) cover long distance phone calls to THE SOUTH POLE?!  hahahahaha  How cool would it be to be dialing Antarctica?!  I'll have to give it a try and see.